Only answer if you cut yourself, or you arent critical?

Im addicted to cutting myself. im getting help. but in the meantime i need to. my mom knows and she wont leave me alone about it. i HATE HATE HATE talking about it at all. its so embaressing. when she brings it up i feel my face get hot. and the worst is when she checks my arms for new cuts. her looking and examining my scars and cuts makes me feel like she is strip searching me. it feels like im naket and she cansee right into my soul. i hate it. they took away the knifes. even er knifes which i wouldnt use anyways. its embaressing that they know and i beat myself up every day that im the one that told them when i wanted help. now i regret it becasue instead of helping they are brining it up and also telling people that i am close to. i cant and wont stop so dont tell me to just stop. theres no point. help me hide it. how can i? how do i get her to stop talking about this?